About your emotions...

Bonzo stood at the door to Dooku's room. He knocked, and Dooku invited him in. Bonzo entered, and looked around for a moment. "Master, I am ready to complete my lightsaber."

Dooku nods, sighing. "You realize that your training is not yet complete, do you not?"

"I realize this. I have every intention of continuing for as long as is necessary to complete it, Master."

Another nod, in acknowledgement of Bonzo's statement.
"I am concerned about some...attachments that you still seem to have."

Bonzo takes a deep breath. He knew that this was coming, considering the dreams. "I am aware of this. I am doing what I can, Master."

Dooku blinks at the tone in Bonzo's voice. "And yet you are not yet rid of your impatience. Many a Jedi has fallen because they decided that they were not learning fast enough, or that events were not happening fast enough for them."

Bonzo catches himself with Dooku's admonishment, and looks down at the floor.

"Your impatience is not the root of the problem, Bonzo. You have a fear of dying...Petra mentioned this. She said you were a coward, afraid of your own shadow." Dooku chuckles at this, shaking his head. "She is hardly the best person to go to for an evaluation of a Jedi, as best I can understand. But all the same, you have not yet conquered them. You have brought them under great control, but you still need more control."

Bonzo takes a deep breath and looks at Dooku. "What has she been saying now?"

"She said that you were a coward, afraid of your own shadow. That you were terrified of dying. I advised her that she was wrong, but she wouldn't believe me."

"Terrified is not the word I would use, Master."

"Neither would I use it, but I have to wonder what word you would use in its place."

Bonzo ponders this for a moment. "I don't know. I just don't know."

"Neither do I, but 'afraid' and 'overly concerned' do come to mind."

Bonzo nods in agreement with Dooku's assessment, and Dooku shakes his head.

"Your attachment to your own life has caused you to make bad decisions as well as good ones. The problem is that while the good ones were made for the wrong reasons, the bad ones were compounded by them. Your attachment to your pride led you to make many bad decisions, unless I miss my guess. One does not, after all, get to the point of killing someone over a percieved slight without travelling a long path to get there."

Bonzo simply sighs, and Dooku continues with the lecture.

"Your attachments led you to fall once before, as you yourself put it. I would not disagree with that assessment in the least. You snapped out of your fall merely through your attachment to your own life, however, rather than a basic change in who you were. Yes, you were a better person, and you curbed a good deal of your anger, but not before having to have it pushed forcefully on you. I will say that your decision was probably the right one in that you chose not to give into your anger again, or to let it continue ruling you and getting the better of you."

"I also had a debt of honor to pay to Ender. It would not be right to try and kill the one who spared me, would it?"

Dooku nods, agreeing to Bonzo's assertion. "What would you have said when you were still at Battle School?"

Bonzo ponders the question for a moment, thinking back. He shudders at the answer he comes up with. "He spared me because he was weak."

Dooku nods. "There will always be a piece of that in you, Bonzo. You need to learn to control that piece that you can not get rid of, or it can control you again. And this time, it may destroy you. You said yourself that you were saved merely by the fortune of being pulled into the Bar. You will always have your weaknesses, Bonzo. That does not matter. It is what you do with your strengths and weaknesses that define who you are...and what you will become, not the strengths and weaknesses themselves."

"I understand this. I try to control myself..."

"Do not try. Do. Master Yoda once said to do or do not, for there is no try. Do not try to control your attachments and remove yourself from them, do it. Decide that you will, and force yourself to do that."

There is a pause. Bonzo can't help but blink at getting a version of Yoda's rather famous lecture to Luke from someone with far better grammar.

"If you fail, it happens, but do not permit yourself to fail in your duty. If it happens through the will of the Force, that cannot be helped. That is not a sign of weakness, Bonzo. It is only a sign of failure if in response to it, you tap into your anger to try and make up for it. But with that aside, you must learn to do what you intend to, not try to. Trying, after all, gives you the ability to fail in the attempt and blame it on not trying hard enough as an excuse."

Bonzo nods, recalling a commander once ordering another toon leader to 'just take the damn star' when that toon leader had said he'd try to take it. "I shall control my fear better, then, though I must ask for your guidance in this."

Dooku smiles, and gestures for him to be seated. Bonzo obliges, and Dooku begins.

"Much of your training has been focused on controlling your emotions and your responses. But you have not been truly forced to react to anything as a reflex, and I feel that this is one thing that is lacking in your training." Dooku takes a deep breath and sighs. "It cannot be helped here, unfortunately. I cannot devise trials for you, though I may at some point be able to help you find them." He pauses again. "I can, however, help you find some tests...your meeting with Petra, for example, was a test, and I feel that you passed it more than adequately, if your account of it is correct."

Bonzo smiles ever so slightly, and Dooku continues again.

"Your reaction was not one of terror...yes, there was fear, but you did not immediately attempt to attack her to stop her from shooting you. You did not arm yourself immediately in response, either, though you did request permission to...something that I agreed with, but asking guidance with such a...troubling situation shows yet more maturity. And you did not seek to attack her in response, either then or later, when you could have probably killed her. Would you have let her live three years ago?"

Bonzo shakes his head. "No, Master, I would not have."

"My point, exactly. You reacted well. Hopefully, no such challenge will present itself again in the near future. However, the possibility is definitely there. And I do feel that you will react properly...up to a point. There is still some uncertainty about your reactions, either in a protracted crisis or after a long series of conflicts. And what if you are facing an enemy, rather than a well-known person you believe to be a friend?"

Bonzo shrugs, and sighs. "I don't know. I haven't been in any of those situations."

"I agree. You are still growing, but you have been well-trained and a good student thus far."

Dooku stands, and walks over to the box he has been keeping the remaining components in. "I am going to give you permission to finish your lightsaber. However, let me instruct you on something."

Bonzo's ears probably visibly perk up. "Yes, Master?"

"You are not to use this in aggression under any circumstances. Use your judgement under that rule, but do not break it."

Bonzo nods. "I understand."

"Further, do not use it unless all other means are exhausted. This is a deadly weapon...if you use it on an opponent and make contact with them, there is a very good chance that they will die, and they will definitely be in a good deal of pain."

Bonzo arches an eyebrow. "All other means?"

"Yes. And do not flaunt it...its use as a threat of force may be necessary to avoid using it as a weapon, but there are many, many ways to achieve that same objective in a far less threatening manner."

Another nod, in acknowledgement of this order.

"Simply put, do not take it off your belt unless you are drawing it to defend yourself or someone else, using it as a tool, or putting it away. If you need an ego boost from flaunting it, we have a lot more work to do than I hope we do."

"I understand this, Master."

"Very well. When you complete it...something that should not take you very much more time, I might note, come back to me and I will install the crystal for you."

Bonzo nods, accepting the package.

"Thank you, Master."