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[personal profile] mandercommander
(OOC: Upon reading Bonzo's first RP in the Bar, I couldn't help but wonder how the kid who walked through the door over three years ago would react to who Bonzo has, in effect, become.  So we'll call this a dream sequence if I use it; Lord knows he's had plenty of bad dreams before.)

Young Bonzo: Look at who you've become.
Older Bonzo: What?
YB: You've become weak.  You've turned your back on who you are.
OB: I have?  As I recall, -you're- the one who was going to get splattered against a bathroom wall.
YB: At least I was -myself-.
OB: Oh?
YB: Yeah.  I'd never take orders from anyone who I didn't have to.  Look at you...taking orders from that old man like he was your father.
OB: Dooku?
YB: Yeah, him.  Look at you...you never do anything without his consent.  You're even in love with Petra, and you feel the need to -ask- someone before acting on it.  Face it, you're a wimp.
OB: I am -not- a wimp!
YB: Yeah, right.  Prove it.
OB: How?  You want me to go beat someone up?  Yeah, that's worked out -real- well for me every time I've tried it.  So far, I've gotten a broken cheek bone, some nice bruises, and an indictment for war crimes.  Yeah, that's turned out really well for me.
YB: Ok, so Ender and his sister beat you up and you bet on the wrong horse.  The Ender fight was inevitable and you -were- disoriented when Val went at you.  That wasn't a fair fight with her and you know it.
OB: Ok, her fight wasn't fair.  What about with Ender?  That was a fair fight, and he didn't even want to fight it.
YB: Yeah, but -he- had already faced -you-, and he knew when you were from.  He knew what you were going to do.  You didn't have the benefit of that experience.  That wasn't fair, either.
OB: *glares, getting a bit irritated at his younger self*
YB: You know I'm right.  You gave up who you're supposed to be, and what have you gained?
OB: I...
YB: Nothing.  You're not a Jedi, and you're never going to be.  You've tried that, and look what happened when the chips were down.  You went back to being yourself, but you did even more harm than you would have otherwise.
OB: Alright, so I screwed up there!  You weren't there, and you have no right to judge what I did!
YB: I don't?  I'm you, remember.  The only difference is that I didn't let the Jedi destroy everything that makes me who I am.  You did.
OB: *shouting* I did not!
YB: Nice temper control there.
OB: *looks rather frustrated at himself for losing his temper*
YB: I rest my case.  You're not going to fall to the Dark Side and you're not going to kill thousands of people and become an agent of evil if you don't keep every emotion in check.  You're -human-.  You're not perfect.
OB: And if the next time I screw up, more people die?
YB: Then don't be such an idiot next time.  Don't throw your chips in with a megalomaniac and don't go off trying to save the world by working with one.
OB: What was I supposed to do with that information, then?  Let people die?
YB: Use your talents to help win that war.  Worry about saving the world when your -duty- to it is done.  The IF didn't train you to have you forecasting the weather, did they?
OB: No.  Then again, they also put me under a bunch of fools who considered me to be a glorified paper pusher.
YB: They did that to everyone else.
OB: I'm better than them, though!  They made me a Commander back on Battle School.  I was a good commander, they knew that, and they -still- put me under those idiots!  No, I wasn't in the Jeesh.  Big deal...neither were 99% of us.
YB: Yeah, and how'd you respond?  You walked off.  You were on your way up, and you turned your back on it.  Some honor.
OB: I...
YB: You turned your back on those you swore to serve.
OB: *Sputtering with nothing really to say to that*
YB: Yes?  Something to say?
OB: You don't know what you're talking about!
YB: I don't?  I'm you, remember?  *pause*  At least, I'm who you -were-.
OB: You're the same kid who went splat, remember?
YB: And you're the same kid who thought fighting Dooku in a lightsaber battle would be smart.
OB: He goaded me into it!
YB: Very Jedi of you to give in.  Face it, Bonzo: You're never going to be one of them.  As much as you want to, it's not who you are.
OB: Then what am I supposed to do?  Turn my back on them?
YB: You don't have to do that.  Just stop trying to be one.
*pause*
    Let me spell it out for you: You're not a Jedi and never will be.  Doesn't mean they're not cool and you can't idolize them, just means you need to stop pretending that you are one...which you can do at a a fancy dress party, though with those videos out there to identify you as the same kid who did the slicing and dicing of those guards, it wouldn't be smart and I think you know that.
    What can you do?  Look up to them.  Think of them as heroes, sure.  Even fight alongside them...you've done that well enough, and whenever Obi-Wan gets his memory back, he'll remember when you two fought alongside eachother.  That's something you -have- been honored to do, and not something anyone else in your generation will ever be able to claim.  They'll recognize that you're a good commander and a good soldier even more than the IF people will.  By the way, they -were- idiots not to let you have more control back in the war, but you proved them right by walking off the job.
    And yet you won't be a wimp fighting alongside of them; you know that and anybody who ever sees you alongside of them will know that, too.  But you're not one of them.  Always remember that.  It doesn't mean that you need to turn your back on them...I know I'd take General Kenobi as my commanding officer over most of the people you've had to serve under any day.
OB: *looking slightly frustrated* I should turn my back on all that work I've done?
YB: Pretty much.  You -know- I'm right.
OB: No, I don't.  I know you know what was right for me -then-.  Now?  I've changed.
YB: You're still the same person you were before.  You can deny it, but it's the truth.  All of that temper-control, all of that work you've done...put all of that together and you're still just a kid with a lightsaber.  Not only that, you're throwing away your potential.
    Listen.  You could be powerful...back home if you'd stuck with who you were...
OB: I'd be dead.
YB: No, I mean if you'd only avoided that fight and changed nothing else.
OB: Then I'd be nothing better than a bully.
YB: You'll -always- be better than a bully.  You always were.
OB: No, I wasn't.
YB: Yes, you were.  That's just Dooku talking there.  And look how well he turned out in the end, anyway.
OB: That's where you're wrong.  I -was- a bully, I'm better than that -now-, Dooku's -not- going to fall, and I'll be better than anything -you- ever could have been.
YB: You're wrong, and you'll see it sooner or later.
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